What happened to Susan?
by Esmora
Summary: So... what happened to her? This is just one version of what MIGHT have happened.
1. Chapter 1

What happened to make Susan forget Narnia? This is my version of what happened. I'm not totally satisfied with it, but here it is!

Susan looked out of the train window on her way to school. Lucy's head was leaning against her shoulder. As the countryside past in a blur, Susan tried to sift through her thoughts. How could Aslan do that? Just when she was finally feeling comfortable, he sent them home telling Peter and her that they could not come back. Tears started welling up in her eyes. It wasn't fair. All these years she had been hiding behind a mask, trying to fit in. She had dropped it for Aslan, but had only slapped her in the face. She couldn't talk about it to Lucy, she wouldn't understand. No one could.

By the time the train pulled into the station, Susan had decided she would forget Narnia, forget being queen, and forget Aslan.

Susan dropped Lucy off at the younger girl's school. As they parted Lucy whispered, "I'm sorry you can't go back." Susan laughed a little too brightly and said, "Whatever do you mean? I'll come visit some weekends." She shut her eyes to Lucy's hurt and puzzled look and walked away.

Six months later

Susan stared out her window as her roommate rambled on about her summer.

"What did you say?" she asked as she caught a familiar word.

"I said our street got one of those cool lampposts," was the reply.

Susan quickly shut out any association to that word, and went back to studying snowflakes.

Summer break

Susan walked with her mother to one of the clothes stores. She loved America. They had so many pretty things. She had already picked out some cosmetics and a few outfits, and it was only the first day. Susan smiled, shopping, she could relate to that. School, she thought, was for men, like her brother, and for girls who couldn't hope to find a husband. She was neither. The only thing she really loved to do, was paint.

Near the end of summer break

Lucy rushed out of her aunt and uncle's house. She threw herself into Susan, but to her surprise, she only received a pat on the head and a light kiss on the forehead.

"Did you have a good time, honey?" Susan asked.

Lucy nodded and whispered, "We had another adventure."

Susan laughed and said, "Did you know?"

Back in their room, Susan relayed her time in America to Lucy, who patiently listened. After hearing about the tenth outfit, Lucy could wait no longer.

"Edmund, Eustace, and I went back to Narnia. We sailed with Caspian…"

"Aren't you a little old for that game?"

"Game?" repeated Lucy, puzzled. "You know it's real," she looked up at Susan with expectant eyes, waiting for Susan to stop her joke.

Susan rolled her eyes and said, "Apparently you aren't. Anyway, I saw this really cool…"

Susan blocked out Lucy's sob.

There is more coming soon


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I'm finally updating something! Yeah!

Christmas

At Lucy's request all four of the Pevensie children camped out in the boy's room.

"Come on guys, it's time to get to sleep," Susan said as she rolled over.

"Oh, stop being such a wet blanket, Su," said Edmund as he threw a pillow at his sister.

"Su's right, you guys, settle down."

"Oh, come on Peter. It's Christmas Eve," Lucy sighed.

"I never said we had to sleep, I said to settle down."

Lucy and Edmund complied and Peter said, "Ok, now I never had time to talk with you about your time in Narnia with Eustace. Do you mind telling me now?"

Immediately both Edmund and Lucy began rapidly talking at the same time.

"Slow down," laughed Peter.

"Now really," exclaimed Susan. "It's bad enough for them to still believe in a pretend world, but, really, must you encourage them?"

By the serious look on her face, Peter could tell that Susan was not joking.

"Don't you remember, Su?" Peter said softly, "We had such grand adventures in Narnia."

"Remember? What is there to remember? Just a lot of fantasies. Wake up to the real world."

With that, Susan marched out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

Peter looked back at his siblings. Lucy looked about ready to cry and Edmund looked stunned.

"How could she forget?" Edmund said softly.

"I think we need to pray for her," Peter told them.

"What?" asked Lucy, puzzled.

"That's another thing I needed to talk with you guys about. I found Aslan. In our world.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's more. Thanks for all the reviews More coming soon. (I hope)

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Some time later

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Susan sat quietly down as she let the news sink in. Everyone was gone. A tear rolled down her cheek. Peter, Edmund, Lucy, her parents, Professor Kirke, Eustace, Miss Polly, and even Eustace's friend. All had perished in one fatal accident. How could this happen? WHY did this happen?

The next few weeks passed in a blur. Much of the funeral planning fell to her and her uncle and aunt. Between that and sympathizers dropping by at all hours of the day, Susan had barely a moment's rest. She resented it then, but as soon as those distractions were out of the way, Susan began to wish for something to keep her thoughts from the inevitable.

For a week, Susan shut herself up in the now empty house. She began going through everyone's personal belongings. While looking through a drawer of Peter's things, Susan found his diary. She hesitated for a moment, and then flipped to his last entry.

Well, it's settled. We are all to meet on the platform. I will bring with me the rings to send Jill and Eustace to Narnia. . .

Susan could read no further.

"They died for a fantasy," she thought calmly.

"They lived for a dream, and died trying to prove it's existence!" she screamed to the silent house. How could life be so cruel.

With so many emotions flooding her, Susan did the only thing that helped her sort things through. She started to paint. Half blinded by tears, Susan poured out all her anger, frustration, grief, longing, hurt, and her whole soul onto the empty canvas. When she finished her cry she looked to see what she had painted. She then wiped her eyes to make sure that they were not playing tricks on her. Indeed, they were not, for before her she saw a painting of a hill. On that hill, a giant, stone tablet stood, cracked, and just behind it, bringing the sunrise, was a great lion. His mane billowed behind him and his majestic head was lifted in a triumphant roar. To his left, two figures stood. Their faces were filled with joy, awe, and amazement. Susan chocked as she recognized one as Lucy, and the other as herself.


	4. Chapter 4

_Find me is your world_

The words seemed to come from the painting and they triggered Susan's memories.

The wall that she built up crashed and everything began playing in her mind. All of her doubt, foolish pride, and grown up manners flooded back and shame crept in. And she remembered Aslan, and his grace and suddenly, her faults dimmed until there was only that command.

_Find me in your world_

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A year later

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The train stopped and Susan climbed down. This would be the fourth library she would look through. All had claimed to have the best selection of books available, but she had failed to find anything relating to Narnia or Aslan.

As Susan entered, a librarian looked up. He smiled and after she asked where the history section was, waved her to the far end of the library.

Hours passed, but Susan could find nothing. While perusing a book, the librarian she had talked to earlier came up to her.

"I couldn't help noticing how long you've been here," he began, "Do you need help with anything?"

"I'm looking for something about a," she paused, catching herself before she said lion, "someone named Aslan," she finished.

"Hmm," thought the man, "I don't recognize that name, but it sounds Turkish. One minute."

Susan sat at a table and waited for the man to return. When he did it was with a book of names and a book of Turkish history.

"I was right, the name is Turkish. It means Lion. Here are some books, if you can't find anything in them, find me and I'll try to help some more."

She smiled and watched him leave. At this rate, I'll be here until next week," she thought.

Half-way through the second book she noticed the time and checked out, book in tow.

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A week later

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Susan entered the library. This would be her last day. She had run out of reasons to stay, although the librarian, Sterling, may have been a good one. When she arrived at her usual place to read, she was surprised to see Sterling with another man. They rose to meet her.

"This is Jack," explained Sterling, "He is a Professor at Oxford and loves history."

"Nice to meet you," she replied, "I'm Susan Pevensie."

The older man looked startled for a minute, and then smiled. "You wouldn't, by any chance, know a Digory Kirke?"

"Why yes," Susan said, surprised, "He was like an uncle to me. He died in a train accident."

"I'm sorry to hear it," Jack replied. "Now, what may I help you with?" he asked with a smile.

"I'm looking for anything to do with someone named Aslan," she replied.

"Ahh," said Jack, "We may need some privacy for this tale."

Confused, Sterling said, "There's no story, it's a project of hers."

Jack looked into Susan's eyes and said, "No, I believe there is a story."

Susan's puzzled gaze turned into understanding.

"You know," she whispered.

"Only a small part," Jack replied. "Would you like to come to my office at the university?"

Susan nodded and started to follow him out the door.

"Wait," called Sterling, "I don't understand."

"Come along and find out; that is if the little lady has no objection."

Susan shook her head and the three left the library.

They walked through the college and Susan tried to sort out how she would tell the story. She knew she could downplay any wrongs she had done, but she knew that would be wrong. Aslan would want her to confess everything. Besides, Jack looked like a nice man, and he knew something about Narnia already. They entered a small office and they all took a seat; Susan and Sterling on a couch, and Jack in a wing-back chair.

"You may begin where and when you like," said Jack as he lit his pipe and leaned back into the chair.

After a moment, Susan began her tale. She tried to speak as the Calormen did when telling their stories, but she feared she was quite inadequate. Hardly had she spoken two words of Lucy in Narnia when Sterling interrupted.

"Wait, you said a what met?"

"A faun. You know, half man and half goat,"

He shook his head in amazement but let her continue. Sterling asked many more questions throughout the narrative and Susan almost giggled to see the expression on his face. Jack, on the other hand, simply smiled and nodded.

"So, do you know who Aslan is on earth? I've looked everywhere, but I can't find him," she said when she had finished.

Jack looked at her. She looked close to tears. He got up from his chair, and moved towards his desk. After picking up a book, he placed it on Susan's lap.

"The Bible?" she looked puzzled.

"Start reading at Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John," he recommended.

Susan smiled rose to leave. "Thank you," she said and exited the office.

"She's crazy," Sterling said, shaking his head, "I can't believe I didn't see it before."

"Oh really," said Jack, raising his eyebrows.

"Who could believe a story like that?" he asked, "Sure, it would make a great book, but how can it be true."

Jack watched as Sterling also left.

----

Sterling paced across his bedroom floor. His thoughts whirled as he thought over what had happened. He had been on the verge of asking Susan to dinner, when she made it obvious that she was insane. Jack had seemed taken in, or maybe he was just being kind. That was it, he knew, somehow, that she was crazy, but wanted him to know in private. The conclusion did not fit quite right, but he tried to shrug the incident off and looked at the paperwork that needed filing.

That night, he dreamt of talking animals, kings and faraway lands. At the end, a great lion roared and he woke up. The dreams repeated themselves only differing slightly from night to night. Sometimes the lion kissed him, and he awoke with a wet face, which he accredited to his perspiration, and sometimes the lion gently blew on him. Only once did the lion speak.

"Believe," he had said in a rich, majestic voice yet full of compassion.

And still Sterling went doggedly on. He refused to see Susan even though she came to the library almost every day.

Well, I didn't like that other ending. (And neither did some others) so here's some more. There should be at least one more chapter left. I stink at endings, so be kind. Comments are welcome as always.


	5. Chapter 5

Susan sighed as she watched Sterling walk away from her yet again. She fought back the hot tears of defeat.

"There's nothing I can do," she whispered. "I tried my best, now it's up to you."

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Angrily, Sterling marched doggedly towards his house. Who did she think he was to be duped into her fantasy? His idol, Jack Lewis, had proved to be just as crazy as Susan. Jack was even writing a series of books that he entitled _The Chronicles of Narnia_. Susan wanted them published as nonfiction, but Jack thought that they would get to more people as fiction. Sterling shook his head as he unlocked his door. They _were_ fiction.

As he sat reading a book, he tried not to think how lonely his evenings had been since he stopped talking to Susan. The comfort of his home soon made him drowsy. Suddenly, an old man clad in flowing robes and an old woman appeared in front of him.

"I am Digory, my son, and this is Polly," the man said. Almost simultaneously, two young men and a young woman appeared. The resemblance to Susan was so great that Sterling came out of his shock long enough to mouth their names, "Peter, Edmund, Lucy."

They smiled and nodded, then turned to look at the next visitor. A young man clad in armor with flowing hair strode towards him and said, "Touch not a hair on his head." Surprised, Sterling looked around to see whom the stranger spoke to. Glancing down, he stumbled backward in surprise.

"But sire," came a shrill voice, "He blasphemes and causes Queen Susan distress."

"And yet, Reepicheep, Aslan forbade any of us to touch him." The man then bowed and said, "My name is Caspian."

By this point Sterling was sure he had been stressing over the issue of Susan and it had entered his dreams. So the next visitors did not seem to surprise him. Four horses stepped into his room. Two were normal horses, but one other was winged, and the last had a great horn.

All four knelt and the winged horse proclaimed, "I am Fledge, the first winged horse of Narnia. My brethren and I have been chosen to give you this message. No matter where you are, no matter how much you deny it, we are all safe within the paws of Aslan!" With that, all four horses sent a neighing to the sky and Sterling noticed that there was no more roof. All of the stars began to sing, and Sterling watched in amazement when one came toward them and took the shape of a man.

"I am Ramandu, look well upon what you see, for only a few know of the wonders of Aslan. Now, Peter, it is time."

Peter stepped forward with a book, "I never had the chance to give this to Su, but I think you need it more now. Read it." He said. And with those words the people and animals faded away until he was alone, sitting in his chair.

"What a weird dream," he thought. He went to pick up the book he had been reading, but found in its place, the very book Peter had given him in the dream. Sterling curiously looked at the cover. The book was entitled _The Holy Bible_.

He began to set it down, when curiosity overtook him.

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Susan glanced anxiously up at Sterling's house. He had not come to the library in three days and had not picked up any of hers or Jack's calls. She took a deep breath and knocked at the door. She gasped as he opened the door.


	6. Chapter 6

I am EXTREMELY sorry for not updating. My life has been rather busy of late and I've been stuck on Stargate for a while. . . But I am back and I hope I didn't lose everyone's interest by this time. Same disclaimer and all, please R&R!

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"Sterling?" she queried at the man who stood before her. He had messy hair, and dark circles under his eyes. He looked as if he had not slept or eaten for days and his clothes were wrinkled. "Are you alright?"

"I'm perfect," he said with a smile, "Come in."

Susan stepped through the door and asked, "Have you been sick? Why haven't you been to the library?"

"I've been reading," he said excitedly, "and I believe you now. I've read all about your adventures. Aslan the lion of Judah and your brother is like man-kind. It's all here!" he exclaimed, waving his bible in her face.

Susan looked curiously at him. Had he gone insane?

"Perhaps you should lie down, you look terrible," she suggested.

"And you," he said, "look lovely. How about lunch out? Or is it past lunch? Dinner?"

"What happened to you? Are you feeling alright?" Susan asked, not quite willing to believe his rapid change of heart.

Sterling calmed down for a minute and said, "I read it. A bunch of the characters you talked of visited me and Peter gave me the Bible to read. I did, I read the whole thing. From Genesis to Revelations. I am feeling wonderful, like a new person. I feel. . . more alive than I have in years. Now, what do you say about dinner?"

Susan smiled, he seemed genuine and perhaps he was. "Only if you wash up first," Susan said with a laugh.

Sterling glanced down at his wrinkled shirt and his face looked almost shocked, "I'm a mess aren't I. How long have I been cooped up in here?"

"For days, but no wonder if you have been reading the whole bible. What do you say I come back in a couple hours, let you have time to wash up," Susan suggested, wanting to give him time to sort out his thoughts and time to sort out hers.

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Sterling felt the hot water wash over him and he lifted his face to the water. His mind still went over everything he had read, about creation, Jesus, the disciples, and the end of the world. How had he failed to see it before? He had gone to Church as a boy but he had stopped as soon as he was old enough and had never willingly picked up the Bible on his own. He stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel. Right now he had to figure out where to take Susan. His invitation to dinner had been a little impulsive.

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Susan slipped on a comfortable burgundy top and a black skirt. As she mechanically brushed her long hair, she thought about Sterling. Was his change of heart for real or just because of his sleep deprivation? He had seemed so firmly against it that it was hard to believe. Of course Aslan, Jesus, was capable of anything.


End file.
